Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
