sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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