im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
