AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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