Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Floor bacon is actually really good
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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