I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
