I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
