How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
