It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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