You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
