Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
