My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
