Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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