if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
