I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
