I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Shame - the story of my life.
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