If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
