from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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