I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
