from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
