5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
