I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
