it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
