How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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