just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
