i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
