My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
FUCK WHALES
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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