and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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