Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
