Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
