So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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