4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
