dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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