mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
