she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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