HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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