I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
