just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
