Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
