On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
