im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This baby is an asshole
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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