Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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