his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
