Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
