listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
