Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He better not be in your backpack
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
