You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
