im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
