take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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