she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
NoShamevember. You game?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
