we have officially lost it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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