By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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