I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
