Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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