I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
