yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
