he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
