Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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