And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
