party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
