I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize