I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
