Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found your dick twin last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
