You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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