im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
