My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
