We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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