Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
