I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
